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Author Topic: Bar Jokes  (Read 1356 times)

Offline Cripple

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Bar Jokes
« on: October 12, 2006, 11:03:03 PM »
3 mice were drinking in a bar one day, bragging about how tough they were, 1st mouse says "I am so tough, that when i get home each each day, I go find a mouse-trap, kick the bait off, lay on it & do bench-presses with my teeth!". "That's nothin" says the 2nd, "when I go home each night, I gather up all the rat poison I can find, crush it up & put it my coffee, gives me a little buzz". The 3rd mouse just looks at the other 2, shakes his head & says "I ain't got time for this bull crap, I gotta go home & fuk the cat".
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Offline Cripple

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Re: Bar Jokes
« Reply #1 on: October 12, 2006, 11:04:09 PM »
A termite walks into a Pub one day & asks: "is the bar tender here?"
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Offline Cripple

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Re: Bar Jokes
« Reply #2 on: October 12, 2006, 11:05:18 PM »
A hamburger walks into a pub one day, the bartender says: "sorry, we don't serve food in here"
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Offline Cripple

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Re: Bar Jokes
« Reply #3 on: October 12, 2006, 11:18:02 PM »
A skunk, a duck & a giraffe were all drinking in a bar one night, after they've all had a few & it was time to pay the check, the skunk says "I can't pay this! all i've got is a lousy (s)cent" - the duck says "I can't pay this either! all i got is 1 bill".
Giraffe says "I guess the high-balls r on me"
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Offline Pug307

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Re: Bar Jokes
« Reply #4 on: October 13, 2006, 07:14:15 AM »
A man walks into a bar 'Ouchhhhhhhh!!!'
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Offline dvd871

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Re: Bar Jokes
« Reply #5 on: October 14, 2006, 11:41:25 PM »
Quote from: Cripple on October 12, 2006, 11:03:03 PM
3 mice were drinking in a bar one day, bragging about how tough they were, 1st mouse says "I am so tough, that when i get home each each day, I go find a mouse-trap, kick the bait off, lay on it & do bench-presses with my teeth!". "That's nothin" says the 2nd, "when I go home each night, I gather up all the rat poison I can find, crush it up & put it my coffee, gives me a little buzz". The 3rd mouse just looks at the other 2, shakes his head & says "I ain't got time for this bull crap, I gotta go home & fuk the cat".

ROFLMAO!

Thats freakin' great, lol!  I can just picture that!
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Offline Mr.Smiley

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Re: Bar Jokes
« Reply #6 on: January 04, 2007, 05:09:41 PM »
A man walks into a bar, and as he makes his way to the counter, he stops and talks to everyone in the bar. As he finishes with each group of people, they all get up and leave and go stand outside the window, looking in. Finally, the bar is empty except for this guy and the bartender. The man walks up to the counter, and says to the bartender, "I bet you $1,000 that I can spray beer from my mouth into a shot glass from thirty feet away, and not get any outside the glass."

The bartender thinks that this guy is a nutcase, but he wants his $1,000, so he agrees. The bartender gets out a shot glass, paces off thirty feet, and the contest begins. The man sprays beer all over the bar. He doesn't even touch the shot glass. When he finishes, the bartender looks at him and says, "Well, I guess you owe me $1,000, huh?"

The man answers, "Yeah, but I bet all of those people outside the window $500 a piece that I could come in here and spray beer all over the bar."
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Offline Mr.Smiley

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Re: Bar Jokes
« Reply #7 on: January 04, 2007, 05:10:34 PM »
Two guys were in a bar, and they were both watching the television when the news came on. It showed a guy on a bridge who was about to jump, obviously suicidal. "I'll bet you $10 he'll jump," said the first guy. "Bet you $10 he won't," said the second guy.

Then, the guy on the television closed his eyes and threw himself off the bridge. The second guy hands the first guy the money.

"I can't take your money," said the first guy. "I cheated you. The same story was on the five o'clock news." "No, no. Take it," said the second guy. "I saw the five o'clock news too. I just didn't think the guy was dumb enough to jump again!"
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Offline Mr.Smiley

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Re: Bar Jokes
« Reply #8 on: January 04, 2007, 05:12:02 PM »
The Toronto Board of Health has proposed that warning signs be placed on all alcohol bottles to tip off drinkers about the possible peril of drinking a pint or two of any alcoholic beverage.

1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with a breath that could knock a buzzard off a wreaking dead animal that is one hundred yards away.

2. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.

3. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to assault you

4. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.

5. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you really think of him.

6. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burn on the forehead.

7. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Psycho Bob.
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