myeh almost funny

[Cripple]

why did the mexican try & drown his wife?

ta-keeell-ha

[Cripple]

Jesus Christ was walking around heaven one day, bored, he decides to go say hi to St Peter. When he gets to the Pearly Gates, Pete is there cross-logged & hopping around in distress. "What's wrong Peter?" asks Jesus, "Jeeez I'm glad to see you!" says pete, "I'm busting for a piss! do u mind watching my gates for a tic?" - "sure" says Jesus "off u go". So Pete runs off to relieve his bladder.
Meanwhile, Jesus is standing their minding the gates, when he spots a little old man wondering aimlessley out in the clouds, he goes over to the man & asks "excuse me sir, are u ok?" old man replies: "oh! I'm looking for my son! he is easy to recognise, he has holes in his hands & holes in his feet!"
"Father??" jesus asks. "Pinocchio??" says the old man.

[Cripple]

2 Irish engineers where standing at the bottom of a flag-pole scratching their heads in confusion. A blonde happened to be walking by & asked them if anything is wrong, to that, they replied: "We have to find out the height of this flag-pole, but our ladder isn't high enough & don't know what to do!".
The blonde just shakes her head, goes to the flag-pole, undoes a few bolts at the bottom & lays the pole on the ground. Takes their tape-measure & says: "the pole is exactly 36 feet".
The 2 Irish engineers both laughed to each other & said: "typical bluddy blondes! we wanted the HEIGHT not the LENGTH!"

[Cripple]

A girl goes to a shop 1 day, buys a carton of milk, a mars bar & a packet of chips, goes to the ckeckout & the guy at the teller says: "hey, ur single aren't u!". Girl replies: "Yeh! how did u know??"
Guy says: "cos ur ugly".

[Cripple]

why do women wear make-up & perfume?
cos theyr ugly & they stink.

[Pug307]

LMAO @ the last joke.

Why do women whistle when sat on the toilet?






So they know which end to shit from

[Cripple]

A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing
her gown to reveal a leg.

The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily
slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide
up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm
129?"

The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."

Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival at the
church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.

It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might
miss a great opportunity.

[Cripple]

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to Get
to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the
energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull.
"They're packed with nutrients."


The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough
strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.


Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of
the tree.

Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Moral of the story: Bullsh?t might get you to the top, but it won't keep
you there.

[Cripple]

what type of meat does the pope eat?

none (nun)

[dvd871]

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to Get
to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the
energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull.
"They're packed with nutrients."


The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough
strength
to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.


Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of
the tree.

Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Moral of the story: Bullsh?t might get you to the top, but it won't keep
you there.

Dude, turkeys can't fly, lol!

Still funny as hell however.  

[Cripple]

Dude, turkeys can't fly, lol!

Still funny as hell however.   

he musta climbed. theyr pretty sneaky